blogs | Kettle Moraine Counseling

Tips for Teens

I have teens, so I understand how easily what seems like an innocent question/inquiry turns into your teen stomping off to their room and refusing to speak! So here are some tips I have that can help reduce the chances of a defensive

Think before you ask! Teens often see questions by parents as “snooping” and some can get defensive before the parent even asks anything! So know that how you word the question is important- sound curious, not confrontational. It’s imperative to reduce/get rid of sarcasm in your voice because many teens are very sensitive to sarcasm from parents.
Any time your teen wants to talk, stop what you are doing and listen. For many parents, these moments don’t happen often enough, so when they do want to talk, take advantage, even if it means delaying cooking, cleaning or chores. Will your teen say I want to talk? Probably not, but if they start talking to you about stuff, listen.
Try not to give advice unless asked, or if you ask if they would like advice. Much more likely to listen to what you have to say this way. Don’t problem solve too early into the conversation.
This is a reach for some parents, but asking your teen for advice on problems in your life builds their confidence and recognizes that your child is wise. Try it, you may be surprised what nuggets of wisdom you get!
Asking questions of each other, such as from the book IF or the game Imaginiff or the Ungame are great conversation starters. I have learned so much about my own children and their friends by using these products.
Everyday look for ways to compliment or notice something positive they have done. Works for adults too!
Don’t take things too personally from your teen. I know this is a hard one, but important. Chances are their “attitude” has nothing to do with you, but something that is going on with friends.
And finally, these tips are not going to work all the time! But they should work some of the time, and the important thing is to continue to try and build the relationship, so that when things go south, which they will, your teen is more likely to listen to you (eventually!).

Devona L Marshall is a therapist at Kettle Moraine Counseling in West Bend WI and she has two teens in high school and a 21 year old who gave her a run for her money when he was a teen. She can be reached at Devona@kettlemorainecounseling.com

Who is the Real Teacher?

By Deb Graf
As adults, we often focus on what we can teach children to help them function in society. I challenge us to think about the opposite: how children teach us.

Youngsters bring life to our world: they teach us to have fun, enjoy the little moments, laugh, be spontaneous, observe the insect or flower we usually ignore, be flexible… the list is ongoing. However, children provide plenty of opportunities for us to grow and learn as a result of their challenging behaviors.

What? How can a child’s mischievousness teach us? Children can bring out the worst in us – it exposes our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Any unfinished business from our childhood will erupt to the surface. For example, we may vow to not be like our parents, to not hit or scream or be out of control; yet we’re doing the very things we vowed not to do. Any kind of relationship issues from our past: accidents, parent’s divorce, emotional/physical/sexual abuse, parents not emotionally there for us, death, parent’s anxieties and anger, family drug and alcohol abuse — they all affect us at an emotional and biological level. The pain from past relationships does not go away until we face them, feel the emotions, reframe the thoughts and eventually let go of the hurts. We’re tempted to deny or ignore; after all, who wants to face the pain? However, when we avoid the reality of the pain inflicted on us, we suffer more than we need to and unconsciously inflict more pain to our children. Therefore, when children expose our anger, anxiety, or hopelessness, it’s an opportunity for us to heal from past pain, find freedom, and grant emotional freedom to our children.

Deb Graf, LPC sees children, teens and adults. She’s been trained in attachment therapy

Tips for Healthy Grieving

By Deb Graf, LPC

Is Grief the Same as Mourning?

Grief is the conflict in feelings caused by a change or an end in a familiar pattern of behavior. It is a normal and natural reaction to the many losses we experience in life. Of itself, grief is not pathological. Mourning, on the other hand, is the outward expression of grief.

TABOO STATEMENTS:

Don’t Feel Bad. (Healing comes from feeling the pain.)
Replace the Loss. (First grieve the loss.)
Grieve alone. (People grieve alone because they are afraid of being judged or criticized.)
Be strong. (Real strength is a natural demonstration of emotions.)
Keep busy. (Face the pain – don’t bury it.)
Time heals all wounds. (Actions, not time, heals.)

ACTIONS NECESSARY FOR COMPLETE RECOVERY:

Apologize for any wrong doing
Forgiveness: giving up hope of a different or better yesterday, to cease to feel resentment against [an offender]. It is an action, not a feeling.
Significant emotional statements: “I love you; I liked your laughter….”
Reminisce fond memories.

HOW TO GRIEVE:

Set aside time that is quiet
Select modalities to help you process: writing, singing, walking, or talking to supportive people
Use music, photo albums, and lyrics to set the mood
Value your needs and trust your process
Arrange for support
Consider what an “unacceptable” emotion is. Why? (No emotion is unacceptable.)

Your life is like a chapter book:
It has some sad chapters. Some of the best stories have sad chapters, but the later chapters can be happy and exciting.

November 2012 Newsletter of Kettle Moraine Counseling Services!

Counselors and Social Workers have to attend ethics training every 2 years to keep their licenses active, so last week I attended ethics training focused around the Internet and how it has changed the counseling field- in many ways for the good,

For a list in our Archives and Articles – Click Here
If you would like to be on our “Newsletter” mailing list, please Email: Devona@kettlemorainecounseling.com

Clinic News: Counselors and Social Workers have to attend ethics training every 2 years to keep their licenses active, so last week I attended ethics training focused around the Internet and how it has changed the counseling field- in many ways for the good, but there are some privacy concerns with the Internet. After the training, I know I will be more careful on what personal information I put out there on the internet, because it’s really hard to retract information. For those of us with children at home, some tips the trainer gave us was to:

Monitor Internet use (but also know that the kids are smarter than us electronically and will come up with ways around our monitoring)
Educate kids on the dangers of the internet and putting your information out there.
Also explain cyber bullying and what it is, how to avoid it and how not to participate in it.

And a note for us adults: some employers are looking us up via Facebook and other Social Media sites, so be cautious about what you post!

In this newsletter, Deb Graf LPC, shares some information on grief with us. Thank you Deb! A book I am reading that I recommend to clients/professionals is Spontaneous Happiness by Andrew Weil. He give us some great ideas on staying balanced, centered and peaceful. I have implemented some of the things he recommends and am feeling better for it! One tip from his book, which is very poignant for this month is a giving gratitude on a daily basis; there is so much to be thankful for, and by recognizing the good we do have, we feel better about our life. So today I am thankful for the extra hour of sleep I got this morning, a fun weekend at the cabin with my sisters, and that I really love the work that I do and the connections I make with people.

Have a good Thanksgiving
Devona L Marshall MS LPC

Tips for Healthy Grieving
By Deb Graf, LPC

Is Grief the Same as Mourning?

Taboo Statements:

Don’t Feel Bad. (Healing comes from feeling the pain.)
Replace the Loss. (First grieve the loss.)
Grieve alone. (People grieve alone because they are afraid of being judged or criticized.)
Be strong. (Real strength is a natural demonstration of emotions.)
Keep busy. (Face the pain – don’t bury it.)
Time heals all wounds. (Actions, not time, heals.)

Actions Necessary for Complete Recovery:

Apologize for any wrong doing
Forgiveness: giving up hope of a different or better yesterday, to cease to feel resentment against [an offender]. It is an action, not a feeling.
Significant emotional statements: “I love you; I liked your laughter….”
Reminisce fond memories.

How to Grieve:

Set aside time that is quiet
Select modalities to help you process: writing, singing, walking, or talking to supportive people
Use music, photo albums, and lyrics to set the mood
Value your needs and trust your process
Arrange for support
Consider what an “unacceptable” emotion is. Why? (No emotion is unacceptable.)

Your life is like a chapter book:
It has some sad chapters. Some of the best stories have sad chapters, but the later chapters can be happy and exciting.

Experienced-Ethical-Client Centered

Clinic Director/Staff Therapist: Devona L Marshall MS LPC NCC

Devona is friendly, empathetic and experienced. She has provided services in the community for over 10 years and loves her work! Helping people live healthier, happier lives is her passion, and she has special skills to help with people with anger issues and couples who are struggling (or just want to get better!). She sees adolescents, adults and couples. Give her a call to see if she is the right therapist for you!

Staff Therapist: Julianne Morrison MS TLPC

Julianne is a warm and genuine counselor who is passionate about helping clients. Julianne has a particular interest in relationships, as she considers connecting with people a central task in life. Julianne sees adolescents and adults struggling with anxiety, depression, family conflict, processing decisions, or relationship issues. She has her Master’s Degree in Counseling from the University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee.

Staff Therapist: Deb Graf MS LPC

Deb is a Licensed Professional Counselor who loves to help people feel better about themselves, relationships and life. Unfortunately, we are often burdened with trauma, loss, challenges and pain that make life difficult and emotionally draining. With proper support, insight, encouragement, and healthy boundaries, we can grow and learn from these challenges to find more satisfaction with our relationships and living experiences.

Staff Therapist: JoEllyn Schultz LCSW (Cedarburg)

JoEllyn is an honest and directive clinician. She believes her patients are seeking change and she is skilled in providing guidance and respect as she works to identify their strengths. She assists her patients in using these strengths to create the changes that will provide relief and change in their lives.

Staff Therapist: Angela Waldoch MSAT

Angela is an experienced art therapist and holds a Masters in Art Therapy with an emphasis in Counseling from Mount Mary College. She has worked with diverse individuals across the lifespan.

Staff Therapist: Tammy Ricke MSW APSW

Tammy obtained her Masters in Social Work at the University of Wisconsin – Milwaukee. She is licensed as a Certified Advance Practice Social Worker (CAPSW) through the State of Wisconsin and is a member of the National Association of Social Workers (NASW).

Staff Therapist: Lester Menke MS TLPC

Lester has a Master of Science Degree in Mental Health Counseling from Concordia University in Wisconsin.
He has ten years experience working with people with developmental disabilities, traumatic brain injuries, and mental health issues.

Staff Therapist: Christina Lachner MS TLPC

Christina has a Master’s Degree in Counseling from Concordia University in Wisconsin. She has experience working with people that have developmental disabilities, as well as in the mental health field.

Staff Therapist: Jennifer Skinner MS TLPC

Jennifer has her Master’s Degree in clinical and school counseling from Concordia University. Jennifer’s has much experience working with children, adolescents, adults, and families who present a wide range of clinical needs. She creates a safe, healing environment that is focused on enhancing a client’s resources and strengths.

October 2012 Newsletter of Kettle Moraine Counseling Services!

Fall leaves are turning earlier this year; the Northwood’s leaves were at peak a week ago- sure is beautiful outside right now. I am going to NYC to see my oldest in a few weeks and I am very excited to spend some time with him. The concrete sidewalks in NYC really hurt my feet so I am looking for good walking shoes (looking at clogs with good support), but I can never find comfortable shoes for my wide feet : ( . At the clinic, Tammy Ricke and Lester Menke have moved over to the Cedarburg office where they will be seeing clients. That makes 4 therapists at Cedarburg: Tammy, Lester, Jennifer Skinner and JoEllyn Schultz. Deb Graf and Christina Lachner are doing some training for foster families, and I have included that information in this newsletter. BadgerCare has had some recent changes with United Healthcare no longer being a provider and some clinics no longer taking Badgercare clients. At our clinic we will continue to serve BadgerCare clients, and we take all the HMO’s for Washington County residents. We are in the helping profession and all people deserve high quality care. Till next time, be gentle with yourself and others. Devona Marshall Clinic Director

Parents of foster or adoptive children experience many challenges that most people don’t understand. Did you know there is a support group for you? It’s called Washington and Ozaukee County Foster Parent Support Group. Besides receiving support, attendance at these sessions also provides CEU’s for foster parent training hours! KMC’s counselors, Deb Graf and Christina Lachner, are presenters at the next two meetings.

If you are interested in attending the sessions below, or other sessions, please RSVP to Jamie Webber, 262/346-8294 or jwebber17@att.net

Family Center of Washington County
1517 Lang Street West Bend, WI 53090

EMDR Reduces Anxiety and Trauma Symptoms
October 11, 2012, 7–9 pm

EMDR stands for “Eye Movement, Desensitization and Reprocessing”. Developed by Francine Shapiro in the late 1900’s, this researched psychotherapeutic approach uses bilateral stimulation to “unfreeze”traumatic body memories, integrate the thinking and feeling sides of the brain, and rapidly process the memories in order to provide freedom from anxiety and trauma symptoms. In this workshop, participants will briefly understand what EMDR is, how EMDR works, and observe EMDR in action. In addition, Deb will teach parents how to use bilateral stimulation to create a “safe place” for your child so that your child can physically relax, and hopefully sleep better at night.

Children’s Grief: Recognize Symptoms and Help Child Cope
November 8, 2012, 7-9 pm

Unfortunately, foster children experience many significant losses: birth parents, siblings, schools, friends, caregivers, different homes and rules, loss of innocence due to neglect and/or abuse, stability…. Since children don’t have the coping skills to deal with their grief, they usually avoid emotions and become “numb”, which creates more anxiety and behavior problems. Biological children also grieve over the addition of foster kids to their family (not as much time with parents, have to share house and toys…),and again when the foster children leave. During this workshop, participants will be able to identify the numerous losses children experience, recognize grieving behaviors at various age levels, implement emotional safety techniques so children feel safe to grieve, and develop coping strategies to help their children process their grief.