Tips for Healthy Grieving

By Deb Graf, LPC

Is Grief the Same as Mourning?

Grief is the conflict in feelings caused by a change or an end in a familiar pattern of behavior. It is a normal and natural reaction to the many losses we experience in life. Of itself, grief is not pathological. Mourning, on the other hand, is the outward expression of grief.

TABOO STATEMENTS:

  • Don’t Feel Bad. (Healing comes from feeling the pain.)
  • Replace the Loss. (First grieve the loss.)
  • Grieve alone. (People grieve alone because they are afraid of being judged or criticized.)
  • Be strong. (Real strength is a natural demonstration of emotions.)
  • Keep busy. (Face the pain – don’t bury it.)
  • Time heals all wounds. (Actions, not time, heals.)

ACTIONS NECESSARY FOR COMPLETE RECOVERY:

  • Apologize for any wrong doing
  • Forgiveness: giving up hope of a different or better yesterday, to cease to feel resentment against [an offender]. It is an action, not a feeling.
  • Significant emotional statements: “I love you; I liked your laughter….”
  • Reminisce fond memories.

HOW TO GRIEVE:

  • Set aside time that is quiet
  • Select modalities to help you process: writing, singing, walking, or talking to supportive people
  • Use music, photo albums, and lyrics to set the mood
  • Value your needs and trust your process
  • Arrange for support
  • Consider what an “unacceptable” emotion is. Why? (No emotion is unacceptable.)

 

Your life is like a chapter book:
It has some sad chapters. Some of the best stories have sad chapters, but the later chapters can be happy and exciting.