Month: March 2017

Helping Kids Ease Back Into School

Back to school time!! Our youngest, Lara, starts her last year of high school tomorrow. It’s my last year sending a child to school, and if feels bittersweet. We will take a picture of her on the porch with our dog like we do every year,

Back to school time!! Our youngest, Lara, starts her last year of high school tomorrow. It’s my last year sending a child to school, and if feels bittersweet. We will take a picture of her on the porch with our dog like we do every year, and she will be so tired when she gets home; she is going to pay for all the late summer nights. Good luck to all the parents and kids going back to school. This newsletter features some articles on how to make the transition easier on the whole family. I have been expanding my reading repertoire lately; just finished Truman (home spun ethical man), and Glass Castle (a memoir on an unusual family, which made me thankful for regular meals!). Next I am reading Thinking, Fast and Slow, then onto Truck and Coop by a northern Wisconsin writer. With the days getting shorter I will have more time to read, as long as I stay away from TV ; ). Enjoy the cooler weather and be good to yourself! Devona Marshall Clinic Director

Easing into School

Here are some tips from a mother of 3 (me!) on how to make the transition back to school easier for all of you:

  • Go to sleep early and avoid naps! This tip is mainly for you Lara!
  • Have a healthy snack ready for after school because most children will be hungry when they get home.
  • Try and have family dinners more often than not.
  • Keep on top of homework early in the semester; don’t wait until it’s too late to catch up. Another tip for Lara! ; )
  • Stay organized, both at home and school.
  • Spend time outdoors- its stress reducing and healthy.
  • Avoid the drama of teenage girls; be the girl who is kind to others and does not put anyone down.
  • Try something new! A new sport, hobby or extracurricular activity.
  • Have some family fun, even if it’s just on the weekend.
  • You will all probably be tired and crabby for a few weeks- expect it and be extra kind to each other

Research Review:

A worksheet for math-phobic parents
August 29, 2012, Wall Street Journal
Parents who often talk to their youngsters about numbers, and explain spatial relationships in gestures and words, tend to instill better math skills, according to a study.

Delayed development: Blame the 20-something brain
August 21, 2012, Wall Street Journal
Recent research into how the brain develops suggests that people are better equipped to make major life decisions in their late 20s than earlier in the decade.

Focusing on children, not relationship problems helps separated couples
August 17, 2012, Medical News Today
Hostile relationships can improve when ex-spouses set aside their differences and focus on their children’s needs.

Blog Archive:

On being Kind
Many of us were not raised with good role models for self kindness, but that’s OK, it’s not an excuse to not treat yourself gently now. Perhaps you grew up in a home where criticism was rampant; they didn’t know any better. And the people I meet who are most critical of others, are often the hardest on themselves (sometimes secretly).

Those of us who are the most compassionate with ourselves are also the kindest to others. It’s a win-win for the world.

When Worries Overwhelm

Kettle Moraine Counseling has been open for 2 years as of March 1st!! The time has flown by and the clinic is much more successful than I ever thought (or planned) it would be. I am blessed to have the clients and the staff that we have.

When Worries Overwhelm

All of us have worries at different times of our lives, and especially the past year with the all the job losses and financial problems, many of us have been worried about what the future will hold. What happens when the worries become overwhelming and interfere with your lives? Worries may lead to anxiety such as panic attacks or avoidance of things that cause us to feel anxious. Some symptoms that worries are becoming overwhelming are:

  • Sleep problems, often because of thinking about the problems
  • Inability to focus or concentrate
  • Repeated thinking about the worries often most of or many times during the day
  • Panic attack – a sudden onset of fear or apprehension which may accompany shortness of breath, heart palpitation or choking sensations

A few of the ways to help with anxiety are:

  • Relaxation exercises, particularly progressive muscle relaxation. We hold a lot of tension in our muscles, and by relaxing the muscles, the whole body starts to calm.
  • Breathing deeply and fully (exhaling as long as possible). When we are nervous our breaths become shallow, but by deliberately doing deep breathing, our mind and body relaxes.
  • Changing our worry thoughts into thoughts that are more productive or using self-soothing thoughts, such as “this will all work out”, “I am safe”, “all is well”.
  • Exercise is an amazing tool to use for releasing tension and reducing the “stress hormones” in our bodies. Any type of exercise is effective for reducing anxiety, both low intensity (walking, yoga, stretching) and high intensity (running, biking, dancing).

Research Update:

Childhood bullies and victims more likely to have suicidal thoughts
March 2, 2012, Medical News Today
Children involved in bullying – as both a victim and a bully – are three times more likely to have suicidal thoughts by the time they reach 11 years old.

Why we pair up with our emotional opposites
February 21, 2012, The Wall Street Journal

Of all the ways that opposites attract, the thorniest may be when emotionally giving types pair up with types who are emotionally reserved.

Migraines linked to depression in women
February 22, 2012, ABC News

Chronic migraines may trigger the debilitating psychological disorder.

From the director:

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!
Kettle Moraine Counseling has been open for 2 years as of March 1st!! The time has flown by and the clinic is much more successful than I ever thought (or planned) it would be. I am blessed to have the clients and the staff that we have. In the 2 years I have grown as the clinic has grown; to all of you who have referred to us and to our clients past, present and future- thank you for trusting us in providing the highest quality care. Our motto is Experienced- Ethical- Client Centered, and we strive to be the best therapists we can be! Until next time, be gentle with yourself and others.
Devona Marshall

Parenting is the Hardest Job We Have!

Things are well at the clinic. I am so fortunate to have a job that I love- when I got back from our anniversary trip, I was very excited to get back to seeing clients! We have some good news about insurance: we WILL continue to be in the Humana network for 2012.

Whoever Said That Parenting Is The Hardest Job We’ll Ever Have, Had It Right

Often times parents will come to my office and describe feeling overwhelmed and unsure of how to cope with challenging parenting situations. They tell me they feel exhausted both physically and emotionally. They have tried different disciplinary strategies, read parenting books, talked to their family doctor and of course their friends and family.

With a smattering of differing advice, they are left feeling depleted and confused, wondering if they are the “good parents” they have always aspired to be. Children are not born with an instruction manual. And unfortunately, our growing children do not come with software updates like our laptops and iPhones do.

As the newer versions of our children emerge, we are left scrambling trying to decide how to parent next. Suddenly our old methods are obsolete and our former way of communicating is no longer compatible. Just when we feel like we’ve got it figured out, we as parents need an upgrade.

Every child, parent or caregiver is unique, but some things are universally applicable. Children, especially preschool age children, want our undivided attention. We may just be someone in the world, but to our children we are the world. Children want to sit with us, play with us, read with us, be silly with us, and be reassured that they the center of our universe too.

This is hard to do with one hand on our Blackberry and one eye on our email or text messages. The quality of the relationship we have with our children can remedy even the most challenging situations. Building and maintaining quality relationships with our children is not a quick and easy thing to do. It requires a great deal of patience, tolerance, kindness, and unconditional love. It is a never ending, all encompassing, anxiety provoking marathon through the streets of Figure-It-Out-As-I-Go-Land. But the rewards are unlike anything else in this world.

The sense of being connected and securely attached to your child is worth every drop of blood, sweat, and tears. Sometimes, as parents, we need support along the way, just as the marathon runners need someone to hand them a cup of water every few miles.

Counseling can replenish the emotional energy that has been spent and help us refocus our efforts in ways that make everyone happy. Counseling with parents, children, and families comes in many forms and is initially sought for many different reasons, but the overall underlying goal is usually same: To enrich the quality of relationships allowing for communication of social and emotional needs. The right combination of love and discipline will go a long way; it is a timeless approach to parenting that will remain as trends come and go.

Tricia Schutz MSW, LCSW is a psychotherapist at Kettle Moraine Counseling and is currently a Fellow at the
University of Wisconsin-Madison’s Infant, Early Childhood and Family Mental Health Program.

Research Update:

Gluten-free diet linked to increased depression and eating disorders
December 30, 2011, Boston Globe
Having to follow a restrictive diet that limits the consumption of foods like bread and pasta has been shown to cause depression, disordered eating and impaired quality of life.

Music soothes anxiety, reduces pain
December 23, 2011, Psych Central
Researchers have documented that that listening to music can be effective for reducing pain in high-anxiety persons.

Questioning decisions can lead to unhappiness
December 16, 2011, Psych Central
Overanalyzing and then second guessing one’ decisions can lead to stress and unhappiness

Blog Archive:

Other predators that I have seen others encounter: rage that burns up themselves and their relationships, feeling inadequate and full of shame, an abusive relationship, a “dead” relationship, fears to follow their dreams, a family situation, being a “good girl”, believing that we are unlovable, procrastination, believing we are not creative, or buying into the culture’s or family’s ideas of who we should be.
www.devonamarshall@blogspot.com

Happy New Year!

Clinic News:

Things are well at the clinic. I am so fortunate to have a job that I love- when I got back from our anniversary trip, I was very excited to get back to seeing clients! We have some good news about insurance: we WILL continue to be in the Humana network for 2012. Previously I had told our clients that we would not be in the network, but we were able to work things out. Tricia Schutz wrote an article on parenting for this newsletter- she is the mother of 2 young girls. I have not made any resolutions for 2012, except I will continue with Pilates; it’s helped my aches and pains enormously, and I brought a yoga mat to the clinic so that I can do some stretching during downtime. Now that the holidays are done, focus on caring for yourself and your needs- sleep well, move your body, eat foods that are satisfying, and do something creative (write, draw, paint, sing, dance). Til next time, be gentle with yourself and others.
Devona Marshall, clinic director

Taking Care of Yourself During the Holidays

Take time to appreciate your loved ones and count the blessings in your life. I see a lot of couples for counseling, and I see what chronic loneliness can do to us. When we don’t feel connected to others, whether it is our significant other,

 

Taking care of yourself during the holidays……Holidays are an opportunity to connect, reflect, remember and cherish. For some of us, though, they can also be a minefield, triggered by people, places, and events which may not reflect such good memories. While the holiday season is maybe not a great time to confront these issues head-on, it can be a fruitful time to test out healthy boundaries! Family parties, co-worker requests, or a partner’s expectations may all be occasions that we can exercise our will to create healthier interpersonal relationships.

The rituals discussed last month can be comforting—when they’re not, it is so important that we empower ourselves to recognize, voice, and follow our preferences: have clear preferences and act upon them. This doesn’t need to mean that you decline an invitation, but it might mean that this year, you finally do stay in a hotel rather than at the in-laws, so the kids can keep a normal bedtime, and you have physical and emotional space to stay centered.

Staying centered might involve paying attention to thoughts and feelings, rather than losing them in the whirlwind of preparations and parties. Recognize when you are happy or unhappy, share those feelings, and be flexible enough to change plans as needed. Healthy boundaries mean that you don’t brush off your own feelings for the sake of everyone else, every time. Yes, getting just the right toy, making the perfect pie, and decorating a tree might seem important, but none more so than being centered enough to enjoy friends and family. Your feelings and moods should not be shoved aside in order to make everyone else happy.

Our loved ones are likely also busy this time of year, and we may be tempted to be a “yes man” to requests for time, energy, and/or money. It is important to remember that tradition and loyalty should not mean there isn’t room to say no to a request you deem inappropriate, or one which makes you uncomfortable. Only do the favors that you choose to do, those that you feel good about before, during, and after! Chipping in for a gift for mom because you always have, should not overrule a situation where a job loss means a change in your financial circumstances. If your budget, conscience, or schedule does not allow, set limits on whether, or at what level, you can help.

Seeing friends or family whom we have less contact with can be rewarding, or taxing, depending upon historical and current relationship; while “catching up”, remember to protect your/your family’s privacy, as desired. Don’t apologize for protecting your private matters. Just because Uncle Jim shares his annual salary and details of his most recent vacation, doesn’t mean that you have to!

Protecting boundaries can be VERY uncomfortable at first; we are literally flexing our emotional muscles! That first workout at the gym hurts too. The goal for our relationships should be to feel calm, centered, and focused. Healthy boundaries allow a person to experience comfortable interdependence with others, resulting in strong relationships and positive self-regard. With time, acting according to our own desires and dreams will become easier, and the payoffs are huge! Let go of guilt, shame, and traditions that compromise your psychological health—who knows, you might be surprised whom you can influence by modeling healthy boundaries. Have a blessed and centered holiday season.
Julianne

Julianne is a psychotherapist practicing at KMC whom enjoys working with clients to heal, and to maximize past, current, and future relationships

Blog excerpt:

Anger turned Inward
We harm ourselves when we don’t express our anger, because this leads to self doubt, a stifling of our energy, and the message that our feelings don’t matter. If the wounds are seriously egregious, we may start to harm ourselves as a way to express some of the emotion; it’s a coping mechanism, and we are handling the anger in the best way we can. But, turning the anger outward where it really belongs is very healing for us.

Research Update:

Are violent video games altering your child’s brain?
November 28, 2011, Fox News
A new study has found that violent video games can alter the brains of young men after a mere week of playing.

Exercise modifies the brain to help weight loss, finds new study.
November 25, 2011, Boston Globe
A study examining the neuro-relationship between exercise and diet has found that exercise increases people’s sensitivity to signs of fullness and satiety and helps overcome food temptations.

Too little exercise, too much TV tied to depression.
November 14, 2011, Fox News
Older women who got more exercise and less television time were the least likely to be diagnosed with depression.

www.kettlemorainecounseling.com
www.devonamarshall@blogspot.com

Happy Holidays! Take time to appreciate your loved ones and count the blessings in your life. I see a lot of couples for counseling, and I see what chronic loneliness can do to us. When we don’t feel connected to others, whether it is our significant other, friends or family, we feel lonely. We need people! And we need closeness in order to feel the “best”. Nurture those relationships- they are the most important thing in our lives. My own family will be spending the holiday in Italy to celebrate 20 years of marriage. If you check in with my Blog, there will be more on this (anniversary and trip) in the upcoming weeks. Julianne wrote an article in this issue to follow up on “family rituals”. Enjoy! Be gentle with yourself and others.
See you next year!

Devona Marshall Clinic Director

Family Rituals Build Families

We are sad to announce that Bill Driscoll and Anne Warren are both leaving us, and we wish them the best of luck in the future! Tricia Schutz is doing a talk on children and trauma at the Family Center, website address

Family Rituals

By Julianne Morrison

With the holiday season approaching, quality family time is on my mind. As part of my check-ins with clients during this time of year, I really like to review how we choose to celebrate during special times, and more everyday occasions. I tend to joke about what my children will talk to their therapist someday, and while we can never predict everything that will make their lists, you may rest assured that the events, people, and celebrations in our lives which make regular appearances, will be remembered!

Here are some of the holiday rituals that my family of origin practice:

Easter season brought the typical Easter Egg hunts when the kids were little, but here is a creative twist that keeps everyone interested….My mom started an Easter Egg Scavenger Hunt some years back. Each party guest is assigned a color of the refillable plastic eggs, and gets a list of clues…these might be “grandma is watching,” to refer to an egg hidden behind a familiar photo. The eggs can be customized with favorite candy, money, or affirmations—you know who gets what color! We are a bit competitive, so there is also a bunny trophy for the guest who finds all their eggs first!

OK, they aren’t all sentimental fun…who among us has not feasted on a heart shaped meatloaf for Valentine’s Day…or maybe it is just me L

Each of my siblings and I got a shopping day with my mom, during December. We would buy presents for the family “from us,” and have a special lunch out, just the two of us! It made me feel special to know that she had that time to spend with each of us, and there was an emphasis on our own choices. There were many lean years when we couldn’t afford much, but I will always cherish the time together.

Seafood every Christmas Eve, like my dad remembered while growing up in Germany. Family was central to our holiday celebrations, and I know that he missed his family so far away—we continue this one still, it reminds us of my dad and our loved ones overseas.
Each of us likely practice similarly cherished everyday rituals: bedtime stories, Sunday morning pancakes, report card day ice cream, birthday dinners (at my house, it’s whatever they want…eggrolls and pizza, anyone?), raking leaves together, Friday movie nights, snowman building, group manicures, or a favorite must-watch TV show. Taking these events from the mundane, to the ritual level, elevates and reinforces the habits that strengthen bonds, let our families know that we will sacrifice for them, and that belonging to our family has meaning. It’s also a nice practical application of the “ratio idea” of positives-to-negatives….what if we made sure that for every chore, we had a couple of everyday rituals for balance?

Sadly, when our relationships are in a rut or not perceived as fulfilling, the holidays, and every-days, can bring a microscope to the problem issues. I like to reframe these occasions as an opportunity to evaluate “What is right with relationships and rituals?”, “What are the deal-breakers?”, and “How can we prepare to firm up our boundaries?”, so that the good memories outweigh the bad, … a topic I’ll address next month. Cherish the old!, and never forget, our actions today shape the future for our families, ….every day is a new opportunity to let the people in your life know that you care, by practicing and initiating rituals.

Julianne is a psychotherapist practicing at KMC, who enjoys working with clients to heal, and to maximize past, current, and future relationships.

Blog Excerpt:

When is it time to bare your teeth?
There are other predators out there though, some internal and some external who will tell you that you are not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, who make fun of your gifts and your desires, tell you that you make bad decisions and shouldn’t trust yourself. When this happens, it is time to bare your teeth, growl and demand that they back off!

devonamarshall@blogspot.com

Clinic News: We are sad to announce that Bill Driscoll and Anne Warren are both leaving us, and we wish them the best of luck in the future! Tricia Schutz is doing a talk on children and trauma at the Family Center, website address http://www.wcfamilycenter.org/ for more information. Tammy Ricke and Lester Menke are both up and running and seeing adults and couples. Some of the clinics’ specialities include art therapy with children/adolescents/adults, attachment therapy, and couples work. We take most insurance including Medicaid and Badgercare, and offer flexible appointments. Referrals can come in by calling the clinic or by emailing, and we can check your insurance benefits before the appointment. Contact Dorothy for insurance information: 262.388.9425 or Dorothy@kettlemorainecounseling.com. Thank you for considering us and also recommending our services! Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, and I enjoyed reading Julianne Morrison’s article on rituals! Til next time, be gentle with yourself and others.

Devona Marshall